2:31 PM (4 minutes ago)
My resentment of caregiving was holding me hostage….
My first year of caregiving wasn't a gentle ease into the process it was a huge thrust. I didn't watch symptoms slowly overtake my loved ones, I was plopped right into the middle of my grandmother who had late-stage dementia, and my mother who was approaching middle stage. It was sudden, unexpected, and overwhelming.
In the first year of caregiving, I fought most with my ego. My unwillingness to accept my new role, my unwillingness to be everything that everyone else needed without receiving what I needed in return. I fought hard and that made the road that much more difficult for everyone involved. My resentment of caregiving was holding me hostage.
Accepting my situation DID NOT MAKE IT EASIER…but it did allow me to see the experience more clearly and thus start putting a game plan into action. Once I accepted that I wasn't entitled to an easy life, happiness, or even to live life on my terms, I realized that there were things I could do.
I started by making a list of things I did like about caregiving…
- Time spent with mom.
- New skills acquired through caregiving.
- No overbearing boss to answer to.
- Morning walks with Mom and Dewie in the park.
- Freedom to explore an interest during downtime.
Of course, these perks changed throughout care but early on I had a lot to be thankful for and still explore. So we did more of the things that I did enjoy about caregiving…while I could. And all I can ask is for you to just start there.